Lumang Pluma sa Kamay ng Natigang

Isip nga'y di mapakali, aligaga
Nais kumawala sa aking bunbunan
Naghuhumiyaw at nagpapakagaga
Sa galit at gulong napagtatapunan

Kapeng inihandang mainit, mausok
Humalimuyak sa pait, tamis, sarap
Nanlalamig na lamang ngayon sa sulok
Kanyang sarap, di na muling malalanghap

Kending kay tamis, hinubog ng makulay
Pagdaka'y naubos din kanyang linamnam
Dilang humagod, walang hiyang humalay
Lollipop na 'di na maulit makakamkam

Plumang humabi ng magagandang himig
Huminga ng mga damdaming nag-init
Ngayo'y pudpod na't wala na kanyang kisig
Ni kapiranggot ay di na muling sisirit

Pagcintang cininta'y naluma nang cinta
Naglaho na, yapos-yapos na liwanag
Sa kadilima'y tuluyang nang pumunta
Walang cahit 'sang pagyacap ng 'yong cinag

Pagbabagtas ng mga damdaming tigang
Natapos nang tuluyan, nawalang malay
Wala nang pagsasabwata't paglalambing
Laplapan ng mga makatang mahalay

Patch My Heart with A Cement

A heart made of stone can also be broken.

The front porch of the apartment is made of stone. I admire how strong it was built for safety since I reside in the third floor of the building. Just today, I realize its another purpose- to help me see something other people wouldn't see.

The outermost covering has become brittle because of the rain and the sun. I started peeling it off because I think vandalism is fun at times. I was able to  break it to pieces. The cement has shattered into puzzle pieces. I had fun rearranging the pieces to bring back its original look. I do it everyday when I stay there to smoke.

One morning, I was fixing the puzzle while thinking how my heart has been broken into pieces. I ponder on how a heart could be broken and be healed into whole again. My heart has been broken for a lot of times for years. Even as a child, everyone get their hearts broken. Even a kid whose favorite candy has been taken from him/her, she would cry because of a broken heart. To break a heart is inevitable like death.

A heart can be so strong for all the bruises and challenges it has managed to surpass. But with the rain, turmoil, and all painful emotions, the heart will be brittle and easy to break.

I managed to fix the puzzle on the first layer of the cement of the front porch. It was easy because you just need to follow the lines etched on the top of it and the curves of the sides of each broken pieces. It is just like a puzzle.

Seeing this, I realized how overwhelming it is to bring it back to its original form just by rearranging the pieces and putting them where they should go. Like a broken heart or a broken life. You can fix it. One just have to rearrange the pieces and put things where they should be. A messed up heart is easy to fix. One already knows how it should look like so the pieces could be set in place easily. He/She just needs to follow the curves of the heart.

As overwhelmed as I am, I stared at puzzle I fixed for a long time. There were small pieces of cement left and I don't know where to put them. I think that I just have to blow them away. I also noticed the cracks and the unfilled spaces. Those were not mended like my broken heart or my messed up life.

My heart is easy to mend because I know it is just a part of my life that needs to be fixed. My life is messed up. I just needs some little rearrangements. My heart needs the most attention for it to be fixed. I can live by without it-living heartlessly and empty. But I want to live full, filled with love, and no grudges or broken spaces. I know I can't mend it alone yet anyone can help me heal it if I could or would let them help. Like the cement on the porch that I enjoyed vandalizing, the spaces in my heart will be left unhealed even with the help of others.

The porch can be renovated. Someone can patch it with another layer of cement to cover the broken part. I wonder if there is any cement that can be used to patch the unfilled broken spaces of it.

Can someone hope for a cement to be invented specialized for a broken heart?

The Date

Real friends will stay with you under the pouring rain.

Two days ago, I was walking back to our apartment. It was just an ordinary day from work. I heard a prayer from a church near by and it suddenly touched me. It felt like something has touched my heart to enter a church that has always been there. The voice of a woman, echoing inside and out of the church, was like any other voices that pray yet it has some magic to catch my attention.

Inside was a simple chapel. The pews are not crowded and only few people are standing for the mass. It was a Wednesday morning and most church goers have to face their busy lives. The majority of the people praying inside are mostly adults. I sat at the far side of the chapel beside a lady who prays while her eyes are tightly close. She showed so much devotion with her prayer. Such devotion is a devotion I never had.

I sat there staring at the image of God. For a long time, I stared to His image and talked to God of stories I wasn't able to tell Him. I know that he knows what are the events in my life. But as how I treated him for the long time, I always speak to him like a friend I have not seen for a long time. Then it seems like a coffee break with a dear friend on a quiet garden and just chattering about our own lives, updating each other the emotions and ideas. After sometime, my sleepiness is dragging my eyes down. I decided to go home.

As I walked down the stairs, it felt like there was something I missed to tell Him. I wanted to go back but the Wednesday mass was already starting. I refused to go back because I know I won't be staying as long as the on-going mass. I saw the Adoration Chapel and I thought to myself that it is the best place to speak with Him again.

It is a more quite place to have a chat with Him. There was only one woman there. She was sitting in  front and I know she was reading some sort of Christian prayer guide book. We did not mind each other because we were both there for the same reason or almost the same reason- to speak with God.

Again, I sat for a long time to have the feel of the place. Then I started to pray in my mind. After some minutes, I started crying silently. It was so nice to cry at His shoulders. It is different to be with Him on a silent place. In this busy city, it is difficult to find a place where in I could talk to my creator in silence but a chapel or a church on a weekday where less poeple or the most dedicated church goers are the only human presence there. I did not mind the people. I was there to visit a friend I have missed for a long time now.

Everyday I go to work and go back home. I eat and sleep, do my chores, and live my life as usual everyday. I didn't mind anything for more than 8 months but continue my life each morning until I go back to sleep. I get drunk at times, I go partying, and I would just live undeserving of my Creator's blessings.

I believe that this is the time when He knocks at my heart to show me that I am already forgetting our friendship and our magical momentarily heart-to-hear and soul-to-soul conversations.

VIII: Libog sa Bukang Liwayway

Gigising sa madaling araw at sabog
Mga imahe sa aking panaginip
Lahat nakakapraning, nakakalibog
Isipang sa kalungkuta'y nahahagip

Mga pangarap na minsan nang binuo
Mabibigyang buhay sa madaling araw
At sa pagmulat ng mata ay guguho
Upang isipa'y tuluyang nang mamanglaw

Hindi na muling makahimbing sa libog
Na binuhay ng pusong di makapalag
Sa hapding hinahatid nitong pagtulog
Sa pangarap nating nawala, nabasag

Ako nga ay minsanan nang  nabubulag
Sa di makatotohanang pagbisita
Ng mga pagnanasang nakahahabag
Sa paggising nakapagpapairita

Ngunit kung sa ganitong paraan lamang
Makamit mga naudlot na ninasa
Paulit ulit na akong manlalamang
Sa paghimbing upang ika'y matamasa

VI: Pathetic

Etched in my own imagination
His face that can't be drawn by my hands
In my dreams, in times I close my eyes
It has found its perfect place to land

Our memories have lasted for minutes
For his touch that has made perfection
Driving me back to loving him more
Safely finds its endeared emotion

And when the silence suddenly falls
His voice whispers, lingers in my ears
Beautiful sound, sweet and caressing
Echoing, digging in my heart here

My very hopeful and waiting dreams
For his love I desperately wish
With warm welcome for each dear morning
Please come back, let our love replenish