umay

Nanginginig ang aking mga laman
Sa panggigil ng mga damdamin
Para sa sinisintang di malamangan
Sa katotohanan ay di mapaamin

Sa iyo nagkubli ang pusong pagal
Pagmamahal ay minsan nitong nilimot
Sa'yo lang di nakapalag, di tumagal
Ang pagmamatigas na masalimuot

Ngayon ako na nga'y sa'yo natitiklop
Mga bisig mo lamang ang kahinaan
Ng nagngangalit ng mga luhang tutop
Ang iyong lihim na kasinungalingan

Pa'no matahimik ang unos sa dibdib
Kung ikaw'y wala man lang sinasambit
Upang palayain lungkot sa bilibid
Pagkaumay ko ay siya nang sumisirit

Pota

Nagngangalit ang damdaming nagtyaga
Magmahal at mamayapa sa dibdib
Nitong nanggigil na pangangalaga
Sa nabuhol at naguluhang lubid

Putanginang bumulag sa pag-ibig ka
Na nagpaikot ng mundong humalay
Sa hilaw at murang diwang nagtataka
Sa kagandahan ng bangkang bumabaybay

Putanginang nagpabulag sa bangkero
Na kay tamis ang dila na humahaplos
Sa kwento ay taob ang kalbong barbero
Na kahit pusong nagupitan ay tapos

Putanginang tangang akala ay paslit
Na ang kending tinago ay inaagaw
Ng inggiterang ubod sa pagkayagit
Utak ay pinakulong medyas na sabaw

Potang kwento ng pag-iibigan ito
Gugulo sa mundong akala'y uminog
Sa mga tauhang isa lang ang lito
Puso't diwa, bagang sa yosi nasunog

Itago Mo Pang Mabuti

Isang pagnanasa ang alamin lahat
Kwento, ideya, lihim at nakaraan
Nakatago man sa ilalim ng balat
Hahalukayin upang ito'y malaman

Sakit, hapdi at lumbay aking nakamit
Sa katotohanang minsan nakakubli
Na minsang sa liham lamang nakakabit
Pagtarak ng punyal sa puso ang sukli

Ngayon ko lamang hindi napaghandaan
'Di rin napansin kahit isang senyales
Imaheng tinago'y aking nasilayan
Mahapdi sa mata ang nakitang pares

Anong magagawa sa 'yong nakaraan
Kung ito'y ituring, ginto bang halaga
Binubuo pa lang 'tong kasalukuyan
Alin kaya ang may higit na alaga

Kasalukuya'y ano naman ang laban
O kailangan pa bang pinag-iisipan
Na may nagaganap na ngang tunggalian
Sa gitna ng panaho't pag-iibigan

Mga katotohanang ibinabaon
Pilit na pumipiglas sa'king harapan
Siguraduhin, maingat mong ikahon
Upang sa sakit, di ako magulantang

'Di naman nasa na ikaw'y lumimot
Nais lamang ng puso ay maramdaman
Ikaw'y lumaya na't di mag-iimbot
Sa katotohanang aking karapatan

I Belong, Not

To the world that always smile when I frown
Never fails to be happy when I'm down
To the world that always in bad timing
When my whole being is not in rhyming

I belong not to your own foolishness
For I am crying with your happiness
And I am sleeping with your excitement
I belong not to your entertainment

I never had a pity for myself
Because I won't let anyone engulf
And grind and play with my greatest insights
Standing beautifully in its own site

I belong, not to your earthly thinking
I'm an indie, by myself blinking
Proud and mighty, I belong not to you
I'm standing where I could see all of you

overrated thoughts. tsk.

I stared at nothingness. I was ready to type anything that would pop into my mind. But the words to be arranged into lines to make up stanzas to build the poem for you are not matched for each other. I tried writing them in English for a difference. I tried going back to the vernacular because it feels like I can find the words. I held the thick dictionary you stole from a library and has kept for a long time. I thought it would be of great help. However, my attempts were failures. At the end of an hour or so and after typing some words and lines then I eventually deleted, I came up with nothing. No poem was made. So, I stopped exerting effort. I wouldn't want to make a trying-so-hard poem that would flow aimlessly.

All I wanted is to make a poem for you. A poem where I could show you how happy I am to be with you. A poem that will express how my trust was broken when you deliberately hid a truth from me even though I have lots of evidences. I don't blame you for me being a martyr or for me worrying so much. I blame love- Love that has caused me so much pain and suffering since my awareness of it had arisen. But that same love that I hate is the one that still keeps me alive and staying for undefined reasons, just love. I want to make a poem filled with love and it would be dedicated to you and only to you.

I once made a poem asking if I am going to poetically write about love for the nth time. Now, I ask myself why am I making another piece (of shit) about love and sooner, I fear that I shall delete everything I had typed.

Love has become meaningless before I reached the day I realized that I love you. I thought it was all about sex. Or everything was all about sex and love has been abused for an excuse. I believed that guys give love to get sex and girls give sex to get love. Then you told me that my case is different. My case was I was giving sex to get satisfied. Maybe, just maybe, I was like that before. I explored some guys manhood. Through my exploration, I found no love and had searched deep within the same manhood for the meaning of love. But of course, sex is included. I found nothing but satisfaction of lust and earthly desires. With you, I found the meaning of love with sex. I am not staying with you because of sex and love alone. I am here with you, enduring all weights of the world because I see us together in the far future still in love and would never do anything to ruin a vow.

I think a lot. I worry a lot. I apologize for that. I am just fearful that one day, when I go home from work, a news would shock and kill me. I am fearful of the day or chance that you will force destiny to break up with me.

Perhaps, just perhaps, the price of knowing the meaning of love is the fear of losing it. It is so beautiful that letting it lose is scary.I may also be fearful that I would stop loving again if our love would end. I am afraid that my heart will turn to another worthless stone and die as a worthless being who never learned how to take care of love. Or may also be fearful that I would again explore different kinds of manhood and dry myself from an empty sex. I worry because I fear some thoughts.

If I would go ahead and just type, I would have an endless talk of love and fear. I would just conclude that I love you and will always do.

Hard at Malboro

Lango sa alak ng pagkakaibigan
Sumasayaw sa hibang na tugtugan
Usok ng sigarilyo'y nagbubugahan
Pawis at lagkit na s'yang napaghaluan

Gabi- gabing nagkakasiyahan
Sa umaga'y tuluyang magsilisan
Hang-over lamang ay mapag-iwanan
Mga kaibigang tunay sa inuman

Ngunit mayron pa bang mapaghigitan
Sa aming samahang di masusukatan
Mga alak at usok sa kasiyahan
Tanging lasenggero ang may kagalakan