pagbabalik mo

Unos sa pusong may pag-aagam agam.

Pagtibok nitong puso 'y kay bilis naman
Kay daming kwento, iilan ang tagpuan
Kaylan nga, mata mo'y huling nasilayan
Balisa na muling ikaw'y mahagkan


Pagkagulat ng mga matang gulat.

Iyong mukha sana'y di pa nagbabago
Upang sinanay na haplos, di mabigo
Tinig kaya saki'y muling magtatago
Sana'y muling umalingawngaw, mang-gago


Tunog ng pusong natakot, naduwag.

Sa'yong dibdib na minsang pinagnasaan
Puso mo't pagtibok aking pinakinggan
Tayong dalawa pala'y nagkaduwagan
Muli nating pagyakap, pagbabalikan


Tahimik na ang pusong nagambala

Bawat tibok tuluyang nang lumalaya
Sa agam agam, takot, at pandaraya
Sa pag-iirog at nasang nahihiya
Sumanib na ang tibok sa ating saya

Naglilibog Na Apoy

Pagsasayaw niya'y tunay na maalindog
Diwa'y talaga namang libog na libog
Sa babaeng mainit ang paghahandog
Ng pang-aakit ng mahinog na hubog

Aking pagnanasa'y kinamumuhian
Pang-aangking aking pinagnasaan
Kahit batid na ito ay kasawian
Pag-aasam sayo'y pinanggigilan

Sa pagmamasid ako ang 'yong isipin
Malasawang diwa iyo nang paliparin
Kanyang titig ay huwag mo nang sisirin
Sa akin ibuhos ang 'yong pag-aangkin

Iyong pagtitig sa kanya'y pano kaya?
Titig niyang sa titig mo'y di makalaya
Mahaplos lang s'ya, itaya kahit barya
Pagseselos kong galit na ang nagyaya

Sa mga damdamin di ka natitigang
Puso mo nga'y  nilubos ang kagalakan
Sa alindog na iyong nais makamtan
Pangbubuyo'y walang pag-aalinlangan

Nakaaawa 'tong nagninilay nilay
Puot at pag-iirog na hinahalay
Ng paglilibog na siyang bumubuhay
Sa pagngata ng tulang sa'yo ay alay

May pagngangalit sa iyong pagnanasa
Sa alindog na iyong tinatamasa
Libido mong hindi mabigyan ng lasa
Sa muli mong pagbalik 'di na aasa

Sayaw n'ya para sayo ay maalindog
Diwa'y sinindihan ng matinding libog
Ng babaeng mainit na naghahandog
Nang-akit gamit ang mahinog na hubog

Pota

Nagngangalit ang damdaming nagtyaga
Magmahal at mamayapa sa dibdib
Nitong nanggigil na pangangalaga
Sa nabuhol at naguluhang lubid

Putanginang bumulag sa pag-ibig ka
Na nagpaikot ng mundong humalay
Sa hilaw at murang diwang nagtataka
Sa kagandahan ng bangkang bumabaybay

Putanginang nagpabulag sa bangkero
Na kay tamis ang dila na humahaplos
Sa kwento ay taob ang kalbong barbero
Na kahit pusong nagupitan ay tapos

Putanginang tangang akala ay paslit
Na ang kending tinago ay inaagaw
Ng inggiterang ubod sa pagkayagit
Utak ay pinakulong medyas na sabaw

Potang kwento ng pag-iibigan ito
Gugulo sa mundong akala'y uminog
Sa mga tauhang isa lang ang lito
Puso't diwa, bagang sa yosi nasunog

overrated thoughts. tsk.

I stared at nothingness. I was ready to type anything that would pop into my mind. But the words to be arranged into lines to make up stanzas to build the poem for you are not matched for each other. I tried writing them in English for a difference. I tried going back to the vernacular because it feels like I can find the words. I held the thick dictionary you stole from a library and has kept for a long time. I thought it would be of great help. However, my attempts were failures. At the end of an hour or so and after typing some words and lines then I eventually deleted, I came up with nothing. No poem was made. So, I stopped exerting effort. I wouldn't want to make a trying-so-hard poem that would flow aimlessly.

All I wanted is to make a poem for you. A poem where I could show you how happy I am to be with you. A poem that will express how my trust was broken when you deliberately hid a truth from me even though I have lots of evidences. I don't blame you for me being a martyr or for me worrying so much. I blame love- Love that has caused me so much pain and suffering since my awareness of it had arisen. But that same love that I hate is the one that still keeps me alive and staying for undefined reasons, just love. I want to make a poem filled with love and it would be dedicated to you and only to you.

I once made a poem asking if I am going to poetically write about love for the nth time. Now, I ask myself why am I making another piece (of shit) about love and sooner, I fear that I shall delete everything I had typed.

Love has become meaningless before I reached the day I realized that I love you. I thought it was all about sex. Or everything was all about sex and love has been abused for an excuse. I believed that guys give love to get sex and girls give sex to get love. Then you told me that my case is different. My case was I was giving sex to get satisfied. Maybe, just maybe, I was like that before. I explored some guys manhood. Through my exploration, I found no love and had searched deep within the same manhood for the meaning of love. But of course, sex is included. I found nothing but satisfaction of lust and earthly desires. With you, I found the meaning of love with sex. I am not staying with you because of sex and love alone. I am here with you, enduring all weights of the world because I see us together in the far future still in love and would never do anything to ruin a vow.

I think a lot. I worry a lot. I apologize for that. I am just fearful that one day, when I go home from work, a news would shock and kill me. I am fearful of the day or chance that you will force destiny to break up with me.

Perhaps, just perhaps, the price of knowing the meaning of love is the fear of losing it. It is so beautiful that letting it lose is scary.I may also be fearful that I would stop loving again if our love would end. I am afraid that my heart will turn to another worthless stone and die as a worthless being who never learned how to take care of love. Or may also be fearful that I would again explore different kinds of manhood and dry myself from an empty sex. I worry because I fear some thoughts.

If I would go ahead and just type, I would have an endless talk of love and fear. I would just conclude that I love you and will always do.

caged

I tried to reach.

I tried to touch inside.

But there is something there;

It scares me.

Everytime I try,

To reach a part of him

That is secured and cautious,

He rejects me.

There is

A sleeping kitten.

A cautious kitten.

He is freindly but he chooses his friends.

Friends are filtered.

I got the chance,

To get a close encounter.

I am lucky.

I felt lucky.

I

Observe

Enjoy

Love.

But

Everytime I try,

To reach that part of him

That is secured and cautious,

He rejects me.

At far, it is a cute kitten.

I am amazed and mezmerized

that a kitten shall thrive in a man's heart

So soft and cudly.

So sweet and loveable.

I wanted to touch it;

care for it;

love it with all my being.

When I have  I tried,

To reach that part of him

That is secured and cautious,

He rejects me.

The cute little kitten growled at me.

He then turned into a beast.

I have figured out.

He is a pretentious kitten.

He is a Lion.

He is a cautious lion.

He doesn't want to be touched there.

Even if,

He fell in love with me;

He rejects me.

It scared me,

Petrify me into my place.

I know I shouldn't reach out anymore.

I know I shouldn't try to pet him.

But how can I not?

It is so irresistable

When you have fallen in love with it.

For a time, I will leave him alone.

Observe

Enjoy

Love

But still I can't touch that part.

That part,

I know,

It is wounded.

He wanted to cure it alone.

I want to be involve.

Nurse him with care.

Pet him with my touch.

Heal him with my love.

But

He still rejects me.

I am scared.

He petrifies me when he growls.

That Everytime I try,

To reach that very part of him

That is secured and cautious,

He rejects me.