Today, I move forward.

February 13, 2009

I miss you a lot.

In my desperate hours of missing you, I did a lot of stuff to forget the feeling. I wanted you to be the one, at this time, to ask for my time. I went to Bulacan with my family and had a wild fun morning. After eating with my parents our delicious lunch, I immediately went to Diliman to find the friend who will help me.

Today, I walked a lot. I walked thru the campus of UP Diliman. Then I ate isaw and all other laman loob weird food there. Afterwards, I went to the mall looking for something special. Finally, I stayed for a cup of coffee in Starbucks.

Last year on the same day of February, I walked a lot. I walked thru the campus of UP Los Banos. I prepared myself for a date that was not ours. Afterwards, I went to a grocery store looking for something special and you are the one who is looking for that. After that, I stayed in Dairymoore to grab a cup of coffee with you. You stole me from my date. We talked then finally, we walked thru the campus, our campus.

Everything was in the same routine as last year. It was as if I am reliving the past. At this time, it was a totally different campus of the same university that made us. Today, I looked for something special that is not for me. Last year, it was a bunch of lollipops that was for me.Today, I walked and talked a lot  about all my heart aches with a dependable friend. Last year, I walked and talked a lot about us with you. You were, at that time, was so enthusiastic, sincere and sure of all the good things you wanted for us. I prepared to go out today hoping you will steal me again just like you did last year.

It is saddening that your presence last year is your absolute absence this year.

No one stole me this time. But you stole my soul and my heart when I entrusted them to you. I wish to have them returned for me to heal. Yet I guess, the thief that is you will never be back to make me whole again. I shall be, for the next long years, a broken and incomplete torqued senyorita.

Last year, I opened Valentines day with a smile, with you. I welcome the day of hearts awake and not minding what will happen for the next Valentines.

Now it is different, I will close my eyes at the eve of hearts day hoping that when I wake up, it is already February 15 or 16. You are not with me and I miss you a lot.

I deactivated my previously most active social networking site. I don't want to see how people would be so happy about V day or how excited they are for the over rated V day. For me, starting on the next 30 minutes of my life, Vday and the day before that is just another bitter day I have and I hope to skip for the next long bitter years.

Sigh. Sigh to my heart that has been disturbed for a long time slumber. Sigh for my mind that has been programmed not to give a fuss about this day but your were the karma that made me so excited about this day. Sigh to our plans that is supposedly for our very first year anniversary. Too bad, no more next year. I do not expect anymore that I shall be granted to have you by my side again.

I will have to move on now. I will have to look forward now to another path and journey- the road with your absence.

Sigh, I miss you a lot.